If you find yourself on a peri-equatorial island in the heat of summer and are considering hiring a moped to get to that secluded beach the long haired bead-wearing stoner you met in a bar last night told you about that you can only get to on a scooter with his secret directions written on the back of a soggy coaster, think again.  I am a doctor.  I work in Emergency and Trauma departments.  Here is a list (off the top of my head… just a sample really) of injuries that I have personally seen in people who have fallen off motorised 2-wheel modes of transport while wearing at least some protective gear (ie full face helmets, gloves and shoes that covered their feet).  Think about what could happen to you if you’re wearing your bathers or a sarong, sandals, no shirt and no helmet or an open faced helmet.
Limb Injuries: Through knee traumatic amputation of lower leg. Open (ie bone poking out of torn skin) fractures of feet, tibia, fibula, femur, forearm, hand.
Head injurues: Skull fractures, facial fractures, intracranial haemorrhages, severe dental/tongue injuries – all of these people were WEARING HELMETS! Imagine your head hitting the bumper bar of a truck or the road at 87km/hr! Ouch!
Chest Injuries:Pneumotharaces (Tension, Open and Simple), haemothoraces, rib fractures, sternal fractures, lung and myocardial contusions, pericardial tamponade, traumatic aortic dissection.
Spinal Injuries: Paraplegia, Quadriplegia, Spinal fractures, spinal ligament damage.
Abdominal Injuries: Damage to liver, spleen, kidneys, duodenal injury (from “Chance” fracture of L1 vertebrae), pelvic fractures.

Now pick one injury from the list above and imagine yourself getting off the island with that injury.  It doesn’t matter what your travel insurance said they’d cover, chances are they don’t have the facilities to manage your injury on the island so you will need to be flown out or put on a boat.  Also remember the doctors on these islands while possibly being familiar with these types of accidents from seeing so many are usually the escapist types who have gone there for the same reasons you did… sun, booze, drugs and exotic topless women… not for the rewarding medical experience and they are not necessarily qualified to adequately treat your injuries. You are now a “major trauma” patient and need expert medical care.

I met a Swedish dude on Ios (one of the Greek Islands) who had worked there for 14 years, and after we saw a guy collide with a car on a moped and shatter his leg so badly his shin was poking out though the skin he informed me that at least three or four people per week get flown off that island purely from moped accidents over summer.  He reckons that they are prone to understeering (a major problem on winding coastal roads), with dodgy tyres, the helmets are often cracked and have damaged or missing straps (and are usually the no-face variety), and lets not forget that they are being ridden by people who have little or no experience on bikes and are frequently under the influence of alcohol and/or other drugs, all of which significantly contribute to the risk of having an accident.

I’m all for having new experiences and taking a few risks but seriously why the fuck would you get on a motorised bike that you wouldn’t dream of getting on at home, with no protective gear, on a shitty road, on an island with no medical facilities, when you’re already in so relaxed you have to struggle to remember who’s turn it is to go buy the next round of pina colada's? Just don’t do it, if you think that life with no leg, no spinal function, no spleen etc is going to be as good or better than the one you have now you’re a fucking idiot, and perhaps you should get on that scooter and hopefully you’ll die in the accident and not pass on your retarded genes.